Are you dealing with unforgiveness or dealing with someone in your life who won’t truly forgive you? Sadly its one of the most sickening diseases there is today and we don’t talk about it. Unforgiveness will devour the person it takes hold of and destroy them. It harms a person mentally, physically, emotionally and can be one of the most exhausting feelings to deal with. This is also for those who refuse to forgive themselves.
How it feels to deal with someone who won't forgive:
If you’re dealing with someone who won’t forgive you it doesn’t matter how much you’ve grown, changed, matured, fixed, or improved. You wake up optimistic everyday with no bitterness in your heart but they wake up and still see you like the devil himself. While you start the day off by giving them a blank slate they start you off with a list of every mistake or hurtful thing you’ve said and done. Every day they add on to that list and the bitterness grows. No amount of good times, laughter, compliments, or apologies will erase anything off their list.
You cannot win against a person who’s unforgiving. If you breathe to loud they’ll remember a time 3 years ago when you woke them up by snoring and they’ll catch an attitude and come at you like it happened today. You don't even need to do anything except wake up and because of what they're holding on to they start the day with a problem. If you say a certain word it’ll trigger a memory from 6,009 hours ago where you hurt them and they’ll come at you like it just happened. I promise it’ll leave you stuck looking at them waiting for an explanation and they won’t even have one because they don't.
Their excuse for how they're hurting you and treating you is all based on the past that they refuse to forgive. 13 Fridays ago, 12 full moons ago, 18 rounds around the sun, 55 seasons ago of keeping up with the Kardashians no matter how long its been they refuse to let go. They justify their actions and become the victim of every situation because of something you did 5 kids ago so it makes them RIGHT. That’s the crazy part they legit feel entitled to treat you crappy because they haven't forgave you for what happened 10 Easter’s ago. They’ll reflect themselves a lot on you or better yet they will project their emotions on to you all the time. An example can be them labeling you as Satan or a demon or some kind of villain who deserves their full wrath. You can’t win against unforgivness and you can’t make them forgive you either. You're the reason for everything going downhill and the reason for their actions according to them. It doesn't matter how many how hard you try that’s why the Bible warns about unforgiveness, it eats that person alive and hurts everyone around them.
Unforgiveness is a Demonic Doorway:
Unforgiveness is a huge legal ground for demons. Pray for people dealing with unforgiveness and try your best to keep your composure when they attack you for no reason. Lack of self control is red flag and a very dangerous area. As we know one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self control and a person whos lost that is operating in a different spirit. Once that door is open you will begin to notice that this person cries alone in the bathroom, they have massive random outbursts and lack control over their emotions. This is an open door for a demonic spirit and the moment they enter the person begins to hear demons telling them they’re not good enough. These demons make them feel like everyone’s their enemy. Everyone’s out to betray them, hurt them, use them, mistreat them, and again it doesn’t matter how amazing you are with them if you even remotely said something that bothered them one day that'll forever be replaying in their mind.
Unforgiveness opens the door to demonic spirits of depression, fatigue, anxiety, paranoia, suicide and even physical ailments like stress or migraines. Notice the demonic pattern begin to form as the person begins to experience days where everything is okay or even one week goes by and they act completely fine and then suddenly BOOM! They’re blowing up about anything or even nothing. Easily angered, easily flustered, lack of patience, lack of understanding, and goes on full blown rage where it seems like its not even them. At this point the person tends to adopt a narcissistic personality because they’re constantly only thinking about how to protecting themselves. Deliverance won't even work on them because the legal ground is unforgiveness and until they go through counseling, therapy, or some kind of help you can't even cast those demons out. Imagine living like you’re always in danger, you can’t be yourself around people, you even think the people who love you the most hate you. All because you have a door wide open of unforgiveness. Demons come in through the door and over time as you continue to feed it they start invite their friends. All of a sudden now you're dealing with a stronghold simply because you refused to forgive. Unforgiveness is a sickness and it’ll take over your life if you let it.
Does Forgiveness mean I have to keep them in my life?
No not at all. You can forgive someone and exit a toxic relationship. You can forgive someone and know that this person can not just be your bestfriend again. You can forgive someone and love them from far away. Not everyone is meant to be in your life and we confuse forgiveness with positions in our life. We feel like forgiving someone or being forgiven means you get to go back to the same place you were before. Thing is no one is entitled to be part of your walk and you're not entitled to someone else's life. Forgiveness is more about yourself and following Gods command to forgive. He commands this because of the harm that it causes in your life and the amount of sin, health issues, and mental issues that it can cause you. Unforgiveness has the potential to take away your salvation and it is very dangerous.
Forgiving someone allows you to be free of the pain they caused and harm that you would cause yourself long term if you'd choose unforgiveness. Maybe you were bestfriends with someone but you know this person is just out to hurt people. You do not need to continue getting hurt by them. You can forgive that person and let them know that its better if there was a separation. It's better that we were no longer bestfriends because of the hurt they're willfully dishing out. God isn't calling you to be a punching bag but we also must discern the situation because we could also be a help to someone. There are people that do belong in our lives and you can help them become that better person by being long suffering and forgiving. God will bless you for it. Then there issues like domestic violence where a separation - even permanent is needed. Since we are all different people with different situations every variable matters but it always must end in forgiveness.
What does the Bible say about Unforgiveness?
God takes unforgiveness very seriously. He literally says if you don’t forgive others then he won’t even forgive you, that’s so powerful. Think about all the times you've messed up and God continues to forgive you but you don't even forgive others at some point God will do the same. You have to understand forgiveness is a free gift and its something God requires from us because he is Long Suffering. Every time we sin we sin against God, we sin against ourselves, it is the Lord who suffers. People think that when Jesus forgives us and washes our sins its magical and its not. The Bible says that Jesus becomes CURSED for our sake so we may be forgiven - That Hurts! It hurts to forgive but it hurts even more to live in unforgiveness. The moment you forgive someone you feel something lift off of you and freedom, grace, mercy begins to poor into your heart.
Jesus knew Peter would deny him 3 times and forgave him before Peter even did it. He forgave him when he did it and after.
Unforgiveness pushes you further away from God.
How refreshing it was for me to forgive my Father for abusing me, abusing my mother, abandoning his family, and becoming the person he is today. I had so much unforgiveness that it pained me to even say his name. I spent my life living to be his exact opposite and grew bitterness in my heart. This caused me to rebel and lash out on people especially my family for no reason at all. They never did anything to me but it didn't matter. I learned how to hold grudges and I felt at some point like I was loved so much that I knew holding a grudge against someone who loved me would hurt them the way they hurt me. Here's the thing though as human beings we all make mistakes and at some point you'll hurt somebody too. No one is blameless from hurting another person, we have all done it and will continue to do so because HUMANS MAKE MISTAKES.
Unforgiveness is like watching someone poison your drink - knowing your drink is poisoned and still drinking it.
Mark 11:25 ESV / 394 helpful votes
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:14-15 ESV / 362 helpful votes
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Ephesians 4:32 ESV / 271 helpful votes
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV / 236 helpful votes
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
James 1:19-20 ESV / 120 helpful votes
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV / 95 helpful votes
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.[a] 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.[b] 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant[c] fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii,[d] and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,[e] until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Medical Studies Show Forgiveness being tied to your health:
"Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to have less depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other health conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t train themselves to act in healthier ways. In fact, 62 percent of American adults say they need more forgiveness in their personal lives, according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Institute." Source
The American Phycological Association:
"As with any human trait, some people are naturally more forgiving than others. Worthington has found in his research that more forgiving types tend to have higher levels of agreeableness and lower levels of neuroticism. People who have a tendency to ruminate are generally less quick to forgive, since they are more likely to hold onto grudges or hurt feelings. People who have a religious faith also seem to have an upper hand in forgiving. "All of the major religions value forgiveness," Worthington notes.
Being forgiving can pay off, as Toussaint and colleagues found in a study exploring the relationship among stress, psychological well-being and forgiveness. They found, as expected, that people who had greater levels of accumulated lifetime stress exhibited worse mental health outcomes. But among the subset of volunteers who scored high on measures of forgiveness, high lifetime stress didn't predict poor mental health ( Journal of Health Psychology , 2016). The power of forgiveness to erase that link was surprising, Toussaint says. "We thought forgiveness would knock something off the relationship [between stress and psychological distress], but we didn't expect it to zero it out," he says."
The Cost of Unforgiveness:
Are you willing to pay the price of living your life without forgiving others? The suffering will never end and you are not protecting yourself from anything; you are keeping yourself away from freedom. Living a life of unforgiveness is like someone paying your bail but you say "no thanks I'm going to stay in jail". It's like being an animal in a cage but the cage is always open yet you refuse to ever come out of it. Unforgiveness is like being able to fly but everyday you wake up and cut off your wings. It is a painful way of life. It is bitter, hurtful, lonely, depressing, sad and leads you to wickedness. Under the influence of Unforgiveness you will do and say things that you wont be able to take back. You will hurt good people and eventually die alone because no one is required to have to put up with you forever and nobody will put up with you forever. At some point even the people who love you the most will move on without you. Living in offense everyday is tiring. Living as if you're seconds away from an attack or betrayal is exhausting. Opening a door to Demonic Spirits which will then call their friends over: Anger, Rage, Depression, Suicide, Anxiety, Infirmity, Mental Illness, and more. It robs your peace, your joy and even your salvation. Lastly God himself refuses to forgive those who refuse to forgive others... unforgiveness carries a heavy price are you prepared to pay that?